How to Spend a Sick Day

It happens. You get a cough or a stomach bug or the bubonic plague (true story), and suddenly you’re thrust in the middle of a day off during the work week. You’re sick, so you can’t really leave the house. You shouldn’t anyway. But that’s completely up to you. You’re supposed to be resting. Unless you’re one of those people that goes to work sick and makes everyone else sick and laughs when everyone curses you. You’re the devil. No. Seriously. The worst.

So how do you rest and still get the most out of your sick days?

I recently had it happen to me. (Crazy, I know!) And I thought maybe my experience might teach ya a thing or two. Here’s a shortlist of things to do and not do. In no particular order.

This list is not comprehensive in the least. You could watch movies, as well. The whole point here is to do stuff you’d probably never do on a real day off, cuz adulting is hard and weekends are for housework, meeting friends, grocery shopping, laundry (when does it ever end?!), and ignoring your diet. If you’re doing those things on sick days, you probably aren’t doing the day right. Just sayin’…. Except that diet thing. Ignore that shit as much as everyone else does.

DO Binge-watch a TV series

Preferably it needs to be a series that requires no thinking. Cuz, being sick means you’re probably distracted by the burning hate rising through your head and chest or whatever you are stricken with. So shows like Doctor Who, Suits, and most DC shows (if that’s your thing. It’s mine, so judge me if you want) are totally free reign. I cannot stress enough that these aren’t bad shows. The writers just like to over-explain pretty obvious things, which is perfect for your addled mind. But you probably shouldn’t watch Penny Dreadful (but totally do when you’re well, cuz damn), Game of Thrones (introduction of new characters every episode is difficult even for the uninhibited), Twin Peaks (confusing at the best of times), or Breaking Bad (cuz every episode is a gem and requires your undivided attention).

You should also avoid anything that will remind you of the predicament you’re in. That’s why I would also suggest not watching Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, iZombie, or – hell, you get the picture!

DO try other stuff

Books and reading, writing and drawing, video games. Those are all good things to do, but just be aware, the rules of watching a TV series hold here too. If the video games you play require great hand-eye coordination, you will probably suffer many deaths. I prefer a bit of World of Warcraft when I’m sick, cuz it requires absolutely zero thought.

For writing and drawing, unless you are used to writing in a drug-induced stupor, it would probably be a terrible idea, or the best ever, depending on your perspective. And I don’t know about you, but reading in a car is far less painful than reading when you have a head cold. Don’t expect to retain much, so feel free to bore yourself with the latest Charlaine Harris or Stephanie Meyers but definitely do not read Toni Morrison or George RR Martin.

DO work on a project

I crochet (which my husband calls lame, but that’s another story), and it’s really relaxing when the rest of your body and mind feel cloudy, so on my sick day, I got started on a small project. It was perfect as I watched Doctor Who. I could half focus on it and the series at the same time. Cuz I’m a ninja. A multitasking ninja. Is that a thing? It should be…. I’ve decided it is.

But this could work, I guess, on knitting or sewing or woodworking or cooking. Maybe. Actually…

DO NOT Work a Project

Well, fuck. Skip that whole section before! Crocheting and the like are terrible to do when sick. Cuz when you fuck it up, you fuck it up big. I was distracted by the Doctor that I ignored what I was doing. I realized too late; I looked down and saw a tangled mess. Somehow I had a giant ball of hate hanging at the end of my crochet hook. It took me three hours to untangle it and put it back into a proper ball. I must be a frekkin’ dumbass. I won’t be doing that again.

You should probably never operate pointy objects when sick. Seriously. Put the knives away; do not cook. Do not use machinery to finish your birdhouse or whatever the fuck you do in woodworking. Keep sharp needles away. Not unless you want your sewing project to come out crooked and potentially bloody. Leave the gore to the contents of your tissues or toilet bowl (Ewwww!) and keep it to yourself too!

DO Sleep 

Screw it all! Just watch stuff. Turn on the TV and get addicted to soap operas or Dr Phil. Anything. Anything that allows you to fall to sleep. You want sleep. That’s probably best anyway. Sleeping will make the pain go away. Surely…

Also wrap yourself in a blanket, cuddle a cat or dog or if you’re really lucky another member of the family that is also inflicted with the plague. Die together.

Drink fluids and have a cup of soup. All that stuff that you ignore when the doctor or your mom tells you. No, scratch that. Screw them. They don’t know better anyway. This is my life dammit. And if I want to drink chocolate milk and eat lasagna and chocolate, I bloody well will, and there’s nothing they can do about it!

DO Call in Sick Again

That was fun (aside from the dying part). If you followed the above, you’re probably still sick. Enjoy another day of sleeping, eating, and watching TV. I’m sure your doctor gave you two days anyway.