Their hold on me had long since loosened.
One year had passed since I walked out the door. I was beginning to feel like my own person, like I’d finally escaped their spider’s web.
I didn’t realize until it was too late that I had replaced theirs with my own.
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Published by d3athlily
Melony R Boseley is a short and large fiction writer. She's a Texas girl through and through, but in 2006, she migrated to Australia and now resides in a town outside of Brisbane, QLD. She is a participant in NYC Midnight, Yeah Write, & NaNoWriMo.
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I really like the way you’ve captured the mood set in the prompt sentence, Mel. I would have liked just a smidge more detail to know who ‘they’ were and what situation the mc was escaping/recreating.
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That last line captured me. Eerie and suspenseful!
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I like how the last line balances the first. There’s a real sense of movement here, a progression from one set of circumstances to another, and at the same time, a sense that there’s no escape – like walking in circles.
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This makes me sad for the narrator – thinking you’ve gotten out of harmful circumstances only to find you’re replicating them or replacing them is a relatable feeling.
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Intriguing! Like Asha, I also wish there were a little more info about what kind of web of lies was being woven (like, interpersonal relationship level or political intrigue level?), but I liked the specifics of it being one year, and the tone (also like Asha said). 🙂
A word-count tip: “I didn’t realize until it was too late” could be shortened to “I realized too late”.
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Mysterious. Tantalising. Shoe-horning in some replacement words (where, of course?) would give just a little more context.
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You really nailed the twist of us thinking the narrator was free only to take it back at the last second. Well done! Thank you for joining us at the last grid. We’ll see you in the Coffeehouse!
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Ooh. This felt so complete and mysterious. The lack of detail about “they” worked for me here – I could imagine so many scenarios. And the end was on-point.
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The twist at the end worked so well, especially after the promise of freedom.
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