An Unexpected Visitor

Source: Andrew Fleming Florist

Rachael stood behind the small sales cabinet; sweat beads trickled down from her brow. No customers again!

Her hands were hooked in her belt, as though she could prevent them wanting to roam.

Do something, silly!

Rachael grabbed a pair of pruning sheers. Rows of flowers needed daily care in the shop. For a week, though, business had been slow, and as Friday crept closer, she had neglected her little beauties more with each passing day.

The mundane task did little to settle her growing anxiety. Vic had insisted, “Friday, or else.”

* * * * *

Rachael turned the car down her street and saw a Buick parked in front of her house. A tightness covered her throat. Lilli should be home by now!

The lawn chair beside her screen door was occupied. Rachael let out a strangled yelp. Lilli was sitting on Vic’s leg. His smile was warm, but his eyes were focused. He didn’t need to say a thing; she knew the question, “Where’s my money?”

“Mommy!” Lilli said as Rachael stepped out of the car. “Lookie! Uncle Vic’s here! I told him all about my birthday last week.”

“Sounded expensive,” he said with a whistle.

Rachael gave a forced smile. “Hi, Vic.”

He put two hands on Lilli’s shoulders. “I saw Lilli here when she was gettin’ out of school and thought I’d give ‘er ride home instead of ‘er catchin’ tha smelly bus.”

He pinched his nose and made a duck face.

“Eww!” Lilli said. She gave an innocent giggle. “Mommy, can I watch a movie?”

“Yes, dear. I’ll get it for ya.”

Lilli jumped off his lap. Rachael passed Vic. His hand reached out and grabbed her arm. “I’ll join ya.”

His grip tightened; Rachael flinched and opened the front door.

“Here you go, baby,” Rachael said in a shrill voice once she had turned on the TV.

“Why do you sound so funny?”

“No reason, baby. Sit close to the TV, m’kay? Uncle Vic and Mommy hafta talk.”

“Okay, Mommy!”

* * * * *

Rachael walked back to the bench and unlocked the sales cabinet. Without looking, she reached into the top shelf, hand grazing filled plastic bags, and clutched an envelope labelled “TIPS.” Rachael counted, 100, 120…280. I just need $20.

Rachael placed it back inside just in time to hear the entrance bell ding.

A man in his twenties stood there, eyes wide with terror. With a sigh, Rachael dusted her apron. She knew that look. It was the same when a man walked into a lingerie store. Too many options, too many chances to mess up, it was all a little overwhelming for some. Rachael prepared herself. “Good afterno-on,” she said, voice cracking. Ugh. Great start, Rach.

“Hi,” he said, with a smile. “I hadda fight with my lady. What flower says I’m sorry but also says I want sex and cake.”

A pinkness rose in his cheeks, and Rachael smiled with triumph. Cake. Oh, thank goodness!

After some discussion, she put six long-stem roses into a box.

Rachael opened her cabinet and pulled out a bag filled with a green herb and placed it into the box under the wrapping. She smiled at the young man, and he winked back at her.

“That’s $150,” she announced.

He hesitated. “More than I expected.”

“I gave you the extra nice roses,” she admitted.

With a raised brow, the young man thought for a moment. “Better be good.”

“Guaranteed to knock her socks off,” she said.

He paid and left. With a wide smile, Rachael placed a fifty in the envelope and put the lot in her purse with a chuckle. Charged extra all week for the same product, and they all fell for it!

She grabbed one of the lilies off the shelf to take home and decided to close up shop for the day. Vic would receive this week’s and last weeks’ earnings within the hour.

We square? Good. I’m ready to stop dealing, Vic. How do I get out? Her internal monologue continued. She wouldn’t see the shadow outside at the edge of the storefront.

“Lying cunt!” she heard as a flowerpot collided with her temple.

Rachael crashed onto the pavement. Blood trickled into her eyes. Delirious, she stared at the lilies. Tiny bubbles of crimson freckled the pristine white flower until they were soaked up, turning into misshapen circles. She wanted to apologize but had no idea why, so instead, she closed her eyes and let the darkness take her.

12 thoughts on “An Unexpected Visitor

  1. You showed us the discomfort between Rachael and Vic in a clear and concise way. I liked that you added tension by placing Lilli in the scene. We have a good idea of who Vic is immediately. I was a little confused what happened in the third segment. Did terrified guy come back? Where’d the cooking pot come from? I assume it wasn’t Vic or he would have been named.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Nate! I made a minor change from pot to flowerpot based on your comments (and me going over words by accident). I opted to keep the ambiguity because Rachael herself didn’t know whom was her attacker. I tried to hint that because she had ripped off multiple people through the week she made herself a target and her attacker was one of those nameless few.


  2. I love that this did not go in the direction that I was expecting. And a little sad – that she about to get out, then BAM! I agree with Nate – I could have used a little clarification at the end. I particularly liked the voice you gave that dirtball Vic – he was easy to imagine!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I went over word limit and had to hack 300 words off this. I opted to keep the attacker’s identity ambiguous because he was one of the nameless few that she had ripped off during the week, but my hints were too subtle, I think. The curse of an ambiguous writer like me. Hehe

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Holding back on some of the details worked really well to give this a sinister air. Since our only entry to the story is through Rachel, it makes sense that we don’t see more than she does. Though we also don’t know as much about the other characters as she does, so the third part came as a bit of a surprise. I like that you didn’t go for the happily-ever-after ending (though I really thought the conflict would be with Vic when Rachel tried to stop dealing). You did a good job of handling the time jumps too. They were easy to follow and you built the narrative well through the three parts.


    1. I agree with Asha here. I really liked that you didn’t go for happily-ever-after and it all made me want to know what happens next. Time hops are hard. Nicely done!


  4. I liked how you took a florist and put her in a dark world. It was unexpected and the tension worked well. The exchange with the stranger placing his order worked well. I didn’t really know what was happening, but every time I’d start to wonder, you’d provide the detail. Very nicely done. The ending threw me a bit too, though I understand the choice you made to present it in that way.


  5. OOOoooooohh Mel! I actually liked not knowing who it was. The irony of getting enough money to pay V off, but then it was probably someone else who did her in, was great.

    I would have liked L to be a little more three-dimensional.

    The concept of a dealing florist was great. Really good use of that prompt.


  6. Eek, poor Rachael! I admit I felt a little less sorry for her after the reveal that she was upcharging her buyers, but I guess that’s the world of drug-dealing for ya. Her observation that she hadn’t gotten customers that week also clashed with her comment about charging more all week. I thought the time jumps worked out well, though, and Vic’s interactions with Lilli were sufficiently skeezy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s