Relationship Status Update – (Flash Fiction)

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I may have to start making my bed.

Honestly. I can’t think of a worse fate, but I guess that’s what I get for having a girlfriend now.

My smelly gym socks won’t be able to rest on the windowsill anymore, and I guess I’ll have to wear boxers to bed now. I think I may need to buy a basket or hamper for my clothes, too.

Ugh. I wish I didn’t have to think about all of this right now. It’s really distracting me from this Counter Strike match.

 

It all started a few days ago. Veronika, one of the many girls at work that talks to me, told me that Rachael, from accounting, had been asking about me to some of our co-workers. So naturally, I started checking her out.

She was pretty, in a mousy kind of way. Her hair tangled easily, when down, and it barely covered her oversized ears. But otherwise, she had a nice ass and killer boobs. I could see myself with her, easily.

During lunch, I walked up to her in the breakroom. “Hey, you’re Rachael from accounting, right?”

“Mm..” she said. Her mouth was full with some salad with red dots and green stuff throughout it. It really looked horrid.

“So how’s about we go out sometime? I know this killer place.”

Rachael stopped eating and dropped her fork. Her rodent-like nostrils flared in excitement, and she spent a second to swallow her food before answering.

With a shrug of her shoulders (I know she was just trying to act cool), she nodded, “Yeah. Okay.”

I made all of the necessary arrangements, and then I bid her good day.

Two days later, we had our date. She wanted to go to some Superfood Max place around the corner from the office. I thought, “Why not? If normal food is good, then superfood will be amazeballs.”

She made fun of me when I realised that superfoods meant healthy, organic, nutri-ant… I honestly still have no idea. What I do know was it was god-awful, and the shitting pretty much started right after I ate it.

Still, though, the date wasn’t a total failure. She let me hold her hand after dinner.

I realised they had tried to poison me, and I was kinda weak from all the pooping. But she stuck with me, and since I didn’t tell her where I lived, she took me back to her place.

I stayed the night. She gave me lots of water and a blanket to lay on in the bathroom. It was awesome!

Then the next morning, she made me breakfast.

Since then, she’s winked at me any time she sees me. Her mouth opens into a smile, and she giggles flirtatiously.

She’s totally into me.

Once I finish this match, I may just drop over for a bit of a booty call. She’ll like that.

But first… maybe I’ll clean up my bachelor pad. Just in case.

****

A knock on my door in the last seconds of the match totally killed me. There should be a law against that. Like in golf, when you don’t say anything during… whatever it is that they do in golf.

I log off and go to answer the door.

“Mr White,” the officer standing at my door said, “you have been issued a temporary restraining order on a Miss Rachael Fines.”

A piece of paper is pushed into my chest, and I clutched at it.

“What for?”

“Miss Fines states that you have been stalking her. You followed her into Superfoods Max after work two days ago, and that you forced your way into her home. After she kicked you out, you shat in her yard in four places. Then for the past two days, you have been deliberately walking past her desk at work winking at her.”

“That’s bullshit!” I said.

“Your restraining order has details on how you can repeal. Provide proof that this is not the case, and they will lift it.”

The officer turned around and left me standing with my proverbial dick hanging out.

Well… I guess that’s decided. Rachael’s a bitch.

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Relationship Status Update – (Flash Fiction)

  1. The different POVs are working really well here, Melony. But like other commenters, I’d play up the difference between Rachael and Mr White’s perspectives. The Superfoods Max detail was funny and a good clue for us about the perspective shift.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Nate! I struggled writing that section, and I think I changed it 5 times before settling on it. It works but it’s definitely not perfect. Thanks for pointing it out. 😄

      Like

  2. LOL. This says a lot about the MC: Ugh. I wish I didn’t have to think about all of this right now. It’s really distracting me from this Counter Strike match.

    Oh…was the salad Tabbouleh?

    What a fun way to break the delusion. I don’t know what I was thinking but it wasn’t that ending. You made me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

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