Write to Done Prompt pt2

Sooooo I must have missed out on posting up my 350 word story, cuz it still hasn’t come up yet. So I thought I would just give you the image and story after all, since it counts toward my story total for the year. πŸ˜‰

Writing Prompt Flash Fiction – 350 words

Untitled

Josiah sighed as he drank the last of his morning’s coffee. His eyes intent on Eve, walking robotically around the living room.

“What’s taking you so long this morning?” he asked as his eyes narrowed.

Eve stared blankly at Josiah but kept at her task. Her cleaning routine near complete.

“Well, hurry it up, then,” Josiah snapped.

Turning, in her free hand, she held a toy car. She lifted it and turned her head askew.

“Seriously? How did I forget about that?” Josiah berated himself.

In his haste, he walked her to his room.

“Come in! ugh…” Josiah said as he noticed her standing at the door.

Josiah opened a chest at the end of his bed and motioned towards it.

Eve’s eyes flickered for only a moment as she glanced inside and then laid the car into the box. Josiah slammed the chest shut with a groan.

“Are you done now?” he asked.

Eve nodded.

“Good,” Josiah said. “Then go!”

Eve nodded and walked out. Soon after, Josiah left for the day.

Exactly one hour later, Eve opened the door to the dark closet she lived in. Her gaze shifted to Josiah’s room.

Within minutes, she had the elements of the box strewn out onto the floor. Each toy was antique, but her focus fell upon this strange creature. In a child-like voice, it spoke to her and called itself Furby. Her eyes flickered.

Minutes later, she was in the kitchen, reverse engineering the Furby. The pieces laid on the tabletop as she removed the one piece she wanted.

Josiah returned to find the toy still in scattered parts along the table. His eyes grew wide as he realised what it was. He charged for the door but landed on his back as an electric current rattled his body.

“Hi!” a high-pitched voice said from above him. “My name is Eve.”

Her android eyes flickered as she released the rest of the current. As life left him, Josiah regretted his treatment of her, but mostly he regretted telling her to enter his room. He had overwritten his own programming.

Advertisements

One thought on “Write to Done Prompt pt2

  1. Interesting outline.

    My feeling is that the first 1/2 of the story is essentially one sentence paragraphs. Very short, implying action but actually not an action. NB The first paragraph really should be one sentence

    There could be an opposing view to this. I have an argument with my nephew on this point so he would probably like your style. Given you have only 350 words, my preference for multi-sentence paragraphs might be totally off track here. I don’t think I can do such short stories and I admire that you can

    I didn’t quite get why the robot getting access to the bedroom suddenly made it able to kill its master. Perhaps if it was a Funzo from simpsons and had an evil chip in it πŸ™‚

    Specifics
    As indicated the first two sentences seem a little jarring. There is not a real correlation between sighing, drinking the coffee and watching the robot (there could be in one sentence)

    I was a little unsure why the car slowed the robot down (presumably it did because the robot was slower than normal, or maybe the owner would yell at her even if she was on time.

    “fell upon this strange creature” would work if the photo was here, but I think that was showing a dissembled furby? You might just want to see the robot finding a clothed fury (before it starts taking it apart)

    I think reverse engineered sounds wrong. Taking it apart, or dissembling it maybe?

    Why would Josiah run because the furby had been dissembled? Shouldn’t he have run towards it? What was the part that Eve was looking for?

    There seem to be elements of Wall-E here πŸ™‚

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s