Terra, of Earth

Today’s entry is the first that was not provided by any prompts. Instead, I’m using this as an opportunity to write freestyle. It’s both a little liberating and intimidating. Mostly, though, it’s due to the fact that I’m writing it on the same day that I’m posting it. I told myself I wouldn’t be doing that again, but life got in the way. Plus I struggled for a story idea all weekend. So, I apologise for another unpolished and unedited post. Also… it’s a two-parter, because I’m evil. 😉 (It has nothing to do with the fact that I ran out of time….nope. Definitely not.)

Terra, Of Earth,  Part 1

Terra looked out across the landscape from atop the trees. The forest stretched out for miles; the shades of oranges and brown were as far as the eye could see. Birds were enjoying the morning Sun, flying above and diving back into the trees. 

 

For a moment, Terra felt she was at home.

 

A sudden noise underneath cancelled her revelry. The guttural roar echoed, and the trees rattled with the reverberations. Terra remembered why she came up here. Her head turned from left to right until she could finally see what she needed. The gateway glowed from within the forest at least 1.5 miles away.

 

“Hurry, Terra!” a voice echoed in her mind.

 

She delayed no further, climbing down the branches of the tree. Looking down, Terra could see her travelling partners. Ferdinand, a silver knight, stood at the ready; his blade and shield in his hands. Farlah, the sorceress, had her focus on the path to the left.

 

“Hast thou located the gateway?” Ferdinand called.

 

“I have.”

“Let us make haste, then,” he advised, as the roar bellowed through the trees again.

“This way,” Terra called, as she landed on the ground.

Sprinting, Terra led the pair. For the first time in 3 days, she felt like she was finally going back home. This nightmare might actually end.

To be continued…. (sorry!)

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One thought on “Terra, of Earth

  1. First off I apologise for my slackness. I decided the best way to support your goal was to provide regular comment but my own on/off writing got in the way 🙂

    The story is very short and obviously only conveying a part of a part. Because of this it is hard to comment on directly, although it conveys some interesting “mystery” elements that act as a hook without being confusing or discouraging. I also like the knight speak, even though only a couple of sentences.

    I was interested in how you describe what people said, e.g. Ferdinand called, Terra called etc. This reminds me of a problem I struggled with where I hated saying “said Ferdinand” and “said Terra”. What I did was look at a couple of books I really liked and I was shocked to find that they kept it simple and wrote ‘said’ a lot – I guess my problem was that as I was writing it, I noticed I used “said” a lot and thought it boring. This is more of an aside since there is only five talking lines.

    The following are minor points that seemed slightly off, noting this is subjective.I also appreciate that if you ran out of time (not that you definitely did) then the text might not reflect what you would consider the final product
    – I thought she wouldn’t look ‘across’ landscape – she would simply look at it.
    – The trees stretched for miles but the colours were as far as she could see, which seems a different distance but the same objects?
    – did Terra feel as though she was home, or did she feel at home? Subtle differences – I think former would fit context better
    – you could more directly link the noise she heard to the reminder of why she was here – the way it is worded they could be independent events
    – it might be worth saying that Terra stopped at the bottom branch (or similar) so it is clear she was still in the tree when she saw Ferdinand and Farlah beneath her – otherwise she would be on the ground and at the same level (unless it was on a hill)
    – she leapt from the tree (so she was not on the ground), calling “this way” – but from the description she wouldn’t actually be going (or pointing) a particular way – she had only just reached the ground
    – maybe say one and a half miles, rather than 1.5

    Like

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